Who Was Who

O'Peesha  Dread  Beater  Styx  Knobby  Mard  Bach  Muttley  Nevis  Hord  McCavity


Al O'Peesha

A privileged fan who made it to the rank of Macc Lad.
Al O'Peesha (his hair is falling out) was born in Bollington and lived the early part of
his life in Sunderland. He became an automatic target for the flabbier members of
the entourage who took sadistic pleasure in pounding the shit out of him at every
given opportunity.

He worked at Hectic House from 1987 (if you called the shop, he invariably
answered the phone and was incredibly rude). He was the only roadie who was
intelligent enough to tune up a guitar (or tie his shoelaces for that matter).

He stood in for the Beater for the final two gigs of the 10 Years Lafter tour.
He played "like an arse"(Muttley) but no one noticed.
He had a heart attack in 1992, but returned later as "rhythm" guitarist
(tinny sound that no one could hear anyway).

Winston Dread (Drums)
A jiving car theif with "riddim", Winston hales from the Caribbean Island of
Hurdsfield where he learned to play drums with a steal band.
That is a band of ganga smokers who went around stealing things.


The Beater (Guitar)

Born in Goa, India and smuggled into the UK while still a baby,
Beater grew up in Macc with his father Abdul, mother Mazerezpl and 18 brothers and sisters.

He proved to be as adept at playing the guitar as the sitar and after being outcast by his family
in 1981 for walking into the house with his shoes on, he joined the Macc Lads who were always
suspicious of his "sunburn".
The Beater (he beats around the bush) raised whinging ingratitude to an art form.
He once won the £20 jackpot on the fruit machine and said: "Fuckin 'ell, is that all?".
He left the band so many times, a revolving door was named after him.
Finally he walked out during the 10 Years Lafter tour and has had nowt to do with the Lads since.

He resented the success the Lads achieved peddling 3-chord punk when he himself was
"a very good guitarist actually". His subsequent musical activity has been his connections with the
underground Islamic musicians collective- "A Lesbian Nomad".
He returned to the family corner shop in 1991 and is now the proud father of Abdul Wazim Ben-Beater Jr.


Ben Nevis (Roadcrew)

The legendary fibbing, fat fool. Nevis was the most famous roadie, mainly due to him being
7 feet tall and 25 stone in his underpant.

At gigs however he was noticeably absent during the more violent stage invasions and only
got involved if Tanky, Mussolini, Lockstock and Mungo were up to their armpits in hooligans.

His most famous exploits were his "Top Ten Whopping Lies", slapping a policeman out of
the dressing room and when chasing a girl down Mill St with his knob out.

He ran the Bear's Head for several years but became so huge that the pub had to be
demolished to remove him from the premises.

Chorley the Hord (Drums)

Chorley moved from Teeside to Macclesfield in 1985 and replaced Cheeky Monkey on drums in 1986
after Cheeky absconded to Chester Zoo.

Chorley was a rarity.The longer he was with the band, the less laddish he became.
A really early appearance sees him with sensible hair and normal attire.
3 years later, he has a curly perm. frilly cuffs and spandex bags.

A further sign of his "feminine side" was his wall of cymbals.
He had at least 20, to protect him from projectiles.
He was also caught by the Beater drinking lager 'n' lime at Shelleys in Stoke.

This all proved too much for the Lads and in December 1989, at Preston, Ben Nevis threw him into the crowd
They proceeded to rip off all his clothes, hair and jewellery.
With this public humiliation, and Stez's imminent release, Chorley decided to call it a day.

He briefly stayed in the world of music with his band "Hor' d'oerves" before opening a wool shop in Kilmarnock.


Phil McCavity (Guitar)

Phil was discovered by Chorley and Muttley sleeping on a bench in South Park.
He agreed to become the band's new guitarist in return for the price of a cup of tea and 3 bottles of meths.

Harking from the land of Scouse, Phil was a grubby, dirty bastard,
second only to Knobby in the "crusty old pervert" stakes. He picked up the 3 guitar chords
the Macc Lads knew very quickly and his sterling efforts can be heard on the album Beer to Eternity.

As thin as the fret-neck of his Les Paul, Phil used to keep a dead cat with him at all times.
It could even be spotted at gigs on top of his Marshall stack in a Tesco bag.

One of many people to fuck off because of Stez Styx, McCavity called a halt in 1990,
bowing out just before the recording of Beer Necessities. His space was refilled by the Beater.

He now lives in Birkenhead and has returned to his old occupation of grummaging in bins
for half-eaten hamburgers and kipping on park benches.

Stez Styx (Drums)

Original drummer and unarguably the best the Lads had (he would hospitalise you for saying owt else)
Stez was the hardest bloke in Macc and indeed various Macc Lads testify to suffering violent maulings from Mr Styx.
Was notable for his naff haircut and tendency to beat the shit out of people for no apparent reason.
He thrashed a member of the UK Subs for sitting on a pullover he'd been bought for Xmas,
and at a gig in Antwerp in 1985 demolished a mobile hot-food stall because they took too long cooking his Berrypoot.

In 1986 he beat up one poof too many and was sent down to HM Strangeways, Manchester.
He returned in 1990 with a more sensible barnet and two bass drums,
chasing Chorley the Hord out of Macc to reclaim his place in the band.
His obnoxious character and temper eventually got even Slimy down.
He was replaced in 1993 by Winston Dread.
Stez Styx (Stez is short for Steven, Styx is drum sticks) now resides in Liverpool.


Muttley McLad (Bass)

In 1981 with the Beater and Stez Styx he formed The Macc Lads. Their first historic gig was at
Ronnie Scott's Jazz Club in London (where they played two songs 3 times each).

An avid fan of punk rock, Muttley was influenced by the Ramones whose style of biker jackets,
sleeveless teeshirts and micro-second intervals between songs could be witnessed at Macc Lads gigs.

Muttley was nearly sent down in 1986 for ABH, was married for a month in 1987
and in 1988 punched a stage invader so hard that he took flight and landed in 1989.

Muttley was responsible for orchestrating ALL the wind-ups against other Lads and crew
and is apparently so well-endowed that he has to keep most of his knob in a warehouse in Warrington.

He resides in Macclesfield and plays football for a team called Mary Dendy(?) but is still fat and lives for his ale.

Uncle Knobby (Pervert)

The disgraceful, urine-drinking, crusty bag of crispy scrote flakes from Hades

Nobody knows where or when Knobby was born. Theories abound that he emerged from a loose sewer hatch
on Sunderland Street. His trademark is a brown, grimy raincoat and Dr Marten boots plastered with shite.

He's famous for replacing the Beater in 1987 and sticking around long enough to record the TV documentary,
the "Eh Up!" single and "Made of Ale". He also retains notoriety for poohing in Slimy Git's office far too often
and cropping up in voice on the songs "Uncle Knobby", "Vigilante Shanty" and "Uncle Knobby's Pet's Corner".
If you own a copy of "Come to Brum" he can be heard wanking furiously over the end credits.

Eventually the Lads got somewhat distressed by his behaviour
and refused to have him in the van or in Hectic House.
Knobby's friends include Gary Glitter and Johnathon King.

Johnny Mard (Guitar)

This is the man who should've been in the band from the beginning.
A heavy drinking aggressive homophobic slob with no redeeming features.
When interviewed for the job by Slimy Git, he was asked:"Do you have a sense of humour?"

Mard replied: "No".


Sandbach (Roadcrew)

The all-time dimmest, fattest, stupidest most gormless roadie (beating off stiff competition) that the Lads ever had.

Unable to remember what his name was when he first met the Lads they examined the tattoo on his neck
which said "If lost, please return toSandbach" (a shite town near Macc).
He suffered torrents of abuse from all band members and associates.
Most famously he was "raped" by Al O'Peesha and was left behind so many times they lost count.

'Bach worked on a farm as a shit-shoveller for many years before becoming an object of ridicule for the Macc Lads.
At a gig in Manchester he fell into the crowd and was hospitalised.
He used to sing the second half of Failure With Girls and a rendition of this can be witnessed on
Sex, Pies and Videotape. He is also on Beer Necessities being fat and useless.

He still lives with his mum and dad in Sandbach and when he has learned to write
intends to sign on for invalidity benefit.