Pain, Embarassment And Laxatives

Boredom is a terrible thing, and as the old saying goes "the Devil finds work for idle bands". When you live in Macclesfield and play as far afield as Edinburgh and have 7 hours to kill between sound check and gig you tend to get a bit bored. Below are stories of some of the jovial japes the Macc Lads used to play on each other to kill time.

Stuff Inflicted on Various People

Al O'Peesha
Most common was for the fat, hard roadies to rip badges from his jacket, steal anything he didn't bolt down and "flounder" him (one fatty holds you down with your arms above your head while another belly flops on to you).
Chorley the Hord once put laxatives in his coffee and the result was that Al shit his bed. This coupled with the verbal and physical abuse he got all the time led to Al O' Peesha being a little on the nervous side.

Muttley Mc Lad
Not very many things ever happened to Muttley but of those that did were the time that Ben Nevis "floundered" him ("it felt like my intestines were going to come squirting out of my mouth"). The worst (best?) incident was when Muttley had to be locked into a room to prevent Mungo from killing him (plus 6 blokes sitting on Mungo).

Worked in the shop and roadied a little. Suffered various "Fatty" taunts ("You can have whatever you want for lunch provided we can watch you eat it"), had jugs of various fluids poured over him upon returning to the shop after running errands plus fags in his burgers and 'you soppy fat cunt' scrawled on his "Anti-Animal Testing" badge. Forever ridiculed for building a fortress out of overturned tables when selling T-shirts at one gig to prevent the fans getting too close.

Bald Eagle


During the filming of the "adverts"  for The Beer Necessities video Mr Eagle was blacked up to look like Trevor McDonald for a witty spoof of the News. Stez Styx swapped the face dye for shoe dye resulting in the poor sap having orange skin for about a fortnight.


Liquid Goblin


A fan who followed the band around and eventually pestered his way backstage. Received a parcel of dog shit through the post and was abandoned in Northampton.


Ben Nevis


There was always a war between Fatties and Thinnies. With the Fatties usually resorting to violence. Revenge was had when Muttley called Nevis to one side. Slippery Git knelt down behind him, Muttley pushed him over and ALL the Thinnies piled on. Two people climbed up the PA stack before diving on top of the pile. Here ended the Flounder Wars.
Nevis was also abandonedon the Moors in winter wearing only a T-shirt.


Chorley the Hord


Chorley was always considered a tart by the other Lads. "That's Gay" is about him.
At his final gig at Preston in 1989 they threw him into the crowd who, 10 minutes later, threw him back with his clothes, ear rings and £100 mic headset ripped off.
When Charlie was down to his last fiver, Muttley nicked it and stuffed it into a dog turd.


The Beater


Being of an incredibly miserable disposition very little ever happened to Beater as everyone knew he'd never be seen again, but was caught and photographed while screwing some scrubber at Rock City.


The list is bottomless. The poor interbred sap suffered abuse that would have caused anyone else to pack it all in but 'Bach just turned up for work the next day as if nothing had happened.

The highlight of the torments was the night they convinced him that Al O'Peesha had given him one up the arse while he was asleep. Convinced Al was gay he told Muttley who said not to worry when they had to share a room. The Lads got him so drunk he passed out, then cut his underpants to make it look like they'd been ripped off, smeared Fiery Jack up his arse and left 2 condoms on the floor. The next morning he woke up with a sore arse and Al looking VERY pleased with himself (quote "I've been fucking raped!").

Other abuse was:

Laxatives in his food and drink. He held out as long as he could and then got out of the van for a shit in Wilmslow and Al O'Peesha just drove off and left him splashing rivers of shit all over the main road.

Pints off piss poured over his head (once whilst eating a kebab, which he continued to eat)

Turkish cigarette butts in another kebab (he was violently sick)

Got left stranded on numerous occasions. (Most memorable was in Dublin when he was in the shower and chased the Lads down the road with a towel wrapped round him). The Lads once all crapped in a box, wrote "Very Important Equipment" on it, told Bach to "stay there and look after this box!" And then fucked off without him.

Was glued to his seat in McDonalds. To facilitate leaving him behind they squirted Super Glue on to his plastic bucket stool. (Quote "we heard this terrible wrenching sound as he tore himself free").

Acid tabs in his beer.

Urine in his Synex Nasal Spray ("my nostrils stank of piss for a week")