Deaf Drunk Twats

The Lads produced the book Bears Head Soup because
they were sick of fans phoning them up to ask
what a particular song's lyrics meant.
Muttley used to slur his lines at the best of times
and some of the more incomprehensible ditties produced
some real howlers of misunderstanding
amongst the great unwashed.
Printed below are some of the more tittilating mistakes.

Fans Thought It Was... It Was Actually... Name of Song

Do you love me? I fucked your daughter!

Do you love me? I fuck you don't I?

Do You Love Me?

Fucking Riiiiides!

Fucking Riiiight!!

Alton Towers

I got a double dose of dealers in the back of me Vauxhall Viva

I got a barmaid from St. Helens in...

God's Gift to Women

I've seen real Maccians gerrof home. You know me I'll shag endless boars.

I've seen nowt like it since day I were born. You know me I'll shag owt that's warm.

Sweaty Betty

They like skiing in the Viva. All the kids look like they're beaten.

They like skiing in the Viva. All their kids look like the Beater.


Put doccers in her cleavage, thought about Tom Kelly.

Poured dog meat in her cleavage, thought about torn wellies.

Lucy Lastic

I gotta get me buttocks down to Shipton.

I got all wet, me buttocks started shifting.

2 Stroke Eddie

She'll kiss your mouth to death.

She'll crush a man to death

Sweaty Betty

The wife's shit the bed.

The wife's shit in bed.

Bitter, Fit Crack

She'll swap a knuckle duster for a naughty set of games.

She'll swap a knuckle shuffle for a note to get off games.

Julie the Schooly

She's always got tuppence ha'penny up her hand.

She's always got f't take the upper hand.


Just 20 pints every Friday night and a wide, fat lump to fuck.

Just 20 pints every Friday night and a wife at home to fuck.

England's Glory

He's gone to Bob's and he's shaved his head.

He's gone to pot and he's shaved his head.

Now He's a Poof

The ducks are shitting...

The pubs are shutting...

Gordon's Revenge

He shags dogs then wipes off all their shit.

He weighs 9 stone with muscles in his shit.


Get stuffed you arse bandage.

Get stuffed you arse bandit.

Now He's a Poof

Do you fancy going out on a bastard?

Do you fancy going halves on a bastard?


I think that I'll crawl up his arsehole and die.

I think a rat crawled up his arsehole and died.

Ben Nevis

2 punnets of tripe just to take out the slag.

2 pounds of tripe just to take up the slack.

Lucy Lastic

He gets force-fed a plant pot...

He gets force-fed a pint pot.


Can you hold your liquor love?
Yes I can, almost 80 years.

Yes I can, always by the ears.

Beer and Sex