NEWSLETTERS

The Lads' base of operation for many years. Originally at 58 Sunderland St, which was a poxy, cold shit-hole with a toilet not even Stez Styx was hard enough to brave using, and later at 51 Sunderland St,which was much nicer, had a relatively nice bog and room to swing a dead cat in.

All the mail order and telephone enquiries about the Lads and Eddie Shit were dealt with here.
Among the bods employed were Tadpole, Al O'Peesha, Sandbach, Stammer, Pott Shrigley, K2 and occasionally Slimy Git if he could be arsed.

If you joined the fan club or bought an album from Hectic House you would from then on be inundated with mail-order shite. Some of the funnier newsletters sent out are reprinted here. If anyone has any others kicking about then mail us.

This advertised a new album, the March For Yobs tour plus some dates in April and May.
It was written by Charlotte who is semi-illiterate as well as being the biggest slag in Macc.

It has been transcripted as it was originally written.

Hello boys,

Just a little note to see how you are, and let you know I'm always thinking of you. Seen my pic in Fiesta? The Lads have taken off half an hour to write a new LP, Coz the Beater ses he's fed up of the old shite. At the beginning of March they're going to take A HOLE DAY OFF to record it in Bald Eagle's house. I don't know wot its going to be called yet, but the songs are very RUDE, there's lots of HEVVY CHORDS, and Muttley's got even worse rimes.

(Tour dates)

For God's sake, don't just turn up, though, coz they might get Banned. Give me a ring first. Oh, yes, Slimy ses he's working on gigs in Stoke, Leeds, Northampton, Badford, London, Bristol, Warrington, and, wait for it.....NEWCASTLE, yeh!

luv, Charlotte, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

This is from Al O'Peesha who excelled in literary obnoxiousness.
It's about the Live at Leeds CD, a couple of banned gigs and the Come to Brum video.

IT'S OUT!
At long last the "Live at Leeds" CD is out on sale. If you are a gay tunnel tester from Kent or somewhere like that you can get one off Slimy Git for a tenner. Or you could spend it on beer instead.

IT'S OFF!
Two sell out concerts have been banned this week. the Leeds Warehouse gig on Nov 24th has been stopped by West Yorkshire Constabulary, and the London Astoria bash on Dec 10th has been banned by the Bill. The week-kneed, yellow livered bastards were worried about "drunken yobs causing trouble." You can get your money back from the place where you got your tickets. We'll try and sort out gigs at different venues in the new year, and we might even tell you where they are.

IT'S SHITE!
The new video, "Macc Lads Come to Brum" is out on Dec 1st, and it's shite. It's got those three daft arseholes playing at popstars, and that fat bastard, Ben Nevis being obese. If you're interested, this is what's on it:

(Video track list)

It was filmed at some rat-pit in Birmingham in October, and it's shite apart from the bit that I'm in. Slimy wants a tenner for this as well. I wouldn't give him the wind out of me arse.

Merry Clitoris, Happy New Queer.

Al O'Peesha (signature)

This one is anonymous but is probably from Al O'Peesha by the style.
The Beater fucked off after the Made in Macc Tour and this letter details his replacement by Phil McCavity.

BOO HISS!
Macc Lads guitarist, the Beater, has left the group, due to an arranged marriage in foreign parts. On his return, immigration permitting, he has decided to form his own heavy metal band called "Bugger."

THREE CHEERS!
Muttley and Chorley have spent Christmas scouring the gutters for a likely replacement. On a bench in South Park, under a pile of newspapers, drinking meths they discovered a dirty old tramp....

"Can you play guitar?" they said.
"No."
"Can you drink a vast amount of beer and shag loads of women?"
"No."
"Well fuck off then."

Anyway, they found this old git called Phillip McCavity, who can't do anything either, but he has got a fit sister.*
They will spend a few hours teaching him the ropes, and a few months drinking before Phil's debut gig at:

Junction 10, Walsall. Sat Mar 11th

*Uncle Knobby says he's got some nice pets.

From Slimy Git, this concerns gigs and the release of Beer to Eternity.

GOOD NEWS FOR OLDHAM
The annual "Fuck it let's do a gig in Oldham" concert in Oldham this year won't be in Oldham.
Just to piss everyone off, this year's Oldham gig will be held at:

MIDDLETON CIVIC HALL, MIDDLETON, MANCHESTER, FRI SEPT 29TH 1989

Doors open 8pm, 11pm finish supporting will be Mr Eddie Shit.
Tickets are £4.50 IN ADVANCE, or, if you are a fan club member- £4.51- cunts aren't we?

Tickets from: (List of vendors) or mail order from Hectic House- (no booking fee crap here you know.)

The new LP is out on 25th September, if you are interested, here is the track listing:- (Track list)

The tour starts at Sheffield Limit Club on 24th Oct, (Portsmouth has been banned), and we've now got all the tickets at Hectic House. The Edinburgh gig is on 15th November, (not 1st), and if you're a pervert, there is a different badge for every gig- free to Fan Club members (write and ask), the rest of you scum have to buy a ticket.

Slimy Git (signature).

This effort was on Hectic House headed notepaper and had the "panda to all tastes" motif.
It involves the return of the Beater and a gig plus Beer Necessities being released.

MACC LADS AT THE KILBURN NATIONAL

For the first time in five years the original Macc Lads' line-up will appear on stage together in London this month.

THE MACC LADS PLAY LONDON KILBURN NATIONAL BALLROOM ON THUR NOV 29th

The return of Stez Styx after his release from the Liverpool holiday home of Walton earlier this year. His first action was to threaten replacement drummer Chorley the Hord with disembowlment. Chorley now runs a wool shop in Kilmarnock.

The Macc Lads first line-up was completed with the return of axe-man the Beater. He had left the band in Dec 1988 for an arranged marriage in Goa, India but returned to England after finding out that playing the sitar is not exactly the same as a guitar. "Fast Fret" McCavity is missing presumed sleeping.

Having got back together, the trio resumed drinking after arguing over who had got the last round in, pausing only to enter a recording studio on September 3rd to record a new album.

The results are released this month as "THE BEER NECESSITIES" on the band's own Hectic House label. It includes the tracks "Alcohol", "Fellatio Nelson", "More Tea Vicar" and 13 others. Oh, and there's a very silly song called "Poodles" on the compact disc. The Lads have also made their acting debut in their new video which is also called "THE BEER NECESSITIES".

The Kilburn gig is part of the "Bog and Roll Circus" tour which also features Liverpool's very own Mr Edd*e Shit, the very lovely Ms Stella Strict and physiologically unlikely Mr Methane. The latter two also appear on the LP. Edd*e Shit doesn't because Stez Styx hates his guts.

Apart from that it will be very much business as usual with lots of drinking, swearing, anally fixated jokes and of course lots of poor jibes about southern "poufters".

FOR MORE INFO RING THE THICK GIT WHO ANSWERS THE PHONE AT HECTIC HOUSE

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