If You Were There.....

Anybody under a certain age and a Macc Lads fan now has probably NOT seen them perform live.
Anybody buying an album or video for the first time, either out of curiosity or recommendation,
probably likes the music. But anybody who's a fan NOW cannot imagine the sheer FUN that came with being a Macc Lads fan in the 80s and early 90s.

Their tours were twice a year and lads in the local pubs in my town, most of whom could never be arsed going to concerts would arrange a special night out for the boys to see The Macc Lads.

The gigs themselves had a big divergence in the types of fans. Most were just average-looking lads between 18 and 25. Others were students, skinheads, punks, goths and even squaddies. Practically everyone there was drunk up to the eyeballs before they arrived and fights happened nearer the stage as people bumped into the wrong pissed-up yob. The security at whichever venue they played always looked visibly terrified at what was going on in their club, usually full of easy-to-bully nightclub patrons, as hundreds of hooligans gathered for a barney.

I've never seen or heard of a band, even when punk was at its peak that not only tolerated but actively encouraged the audience to lob and gob the way the Lads did. The energy and mayhem at their gigs was unparalleled. With the Macc Ladsknocking on now, I doubt it would be as much of a riot if they ever decide to gig again. If you weren't there you'll never know. The albums may be great but the shows were the real McLad.

Shepherd's Bush Opera On The Green, London August 1989

This was the first Macc Lads gig I ever saw, and was a low-key warm-up gig in preparation for the 'One Foot In the Gravy' tour. The gig was on
the hottest day of the year, in a tiny shit-hole of a club in one of the roughest parts of London. The club was packed and condensation was dripping off the ceiling. The Lads were supported by a dodgy local punk band called 'Schitzo', who lasted 3 songs before they had to go off because they couldn't handle all the piss and whatever else was being thrown at them. Later on when the Lads were on stage, Muttley took the opportunity to publicly slag them off and declared them "shandy drinking southern shites" (or something).
Some quotes from this gig:
"The beer's crap down here, it's no wonder you're throwing it!" -Chorley the Hord After recieving half a pint of lager on his head.

"Crap ale at fucking #1.66 a pint!" -Muttley
The lead singer complaining about the price of beer in the club, to which the bloke standing beside me shouts "You can't fucking afford it!"

Kilburn National Ballroom, London October 1989

At this gig the Lads took the audience completely by surprise by coming
on without any intro tape, hiding behind loads of stage smoke and coming
on while the house lights were still on. They kicked off with 'Ben
Nevis' and it was a good 20 seconds before the audience realised that
the gig had actually started. During the gig, Muttley points and slags
off all the punters up on the balcony who had gone upstairs to escape
all the gobbing and throwing of beer, some of whom responded by
'mooning' at the band and punters below.

November 1989 Birmingham Hummingbird

Incredibly violent, and one of the biggest gigs they ever played. (2000+ people). Both Muttley and Phil had their heads split open by ash trays. (McCavity's bled profusely all down his front. This led to him using his T-shirt as a bandana for the one-song encore which in turn led to about 50 fans in the audience following suit). Stage divers before even Eddie Shit came on were getting up and fighting with fat roadies Lockstock and Mungo for the sake of it. Scaffolding, a toilet seat, bits of the toilet, a huge dustbin, the ashtrays plus assorted pint pots were hurled on stage. Bewilderingly the same people who tried to drag Mungo into the pit all through the gig reached up to shake his hand at the end. (He looked extremely confused).

The Marquee, London March 1990

The lads come on stage to 'The Teddy Bears Picnic' theme and launch straight into Buenos Aries, which was probably one of the last times they played it before the lyrics were changed due to the gulf war. During 'Pie Taster', Muttley tries to get the audience to sing "Tasted pies for Tittertons" after the line "Stretch marks on her bum", but most of the audience got the timing wrong. Muttley poured beer down Mungo's arsehole when he mooned at the audience.

May 1990 Wolverhampton Civic Hall

The return of Stez Styx. McCavity with a Grizzly Adams beard and Muttley gobbing back at the fans. None of the violence of the Birminghamgig I saw. McCavity played "Fat Bastard" on Nevis' shoulders while Muttley sat on K2. They came on stage to "The Teddy Bear's Picnic" (which if you've seen it is fucking brilliant. Pitch black, cigarettes glow from the stage..."because today's the day the teddy bears have their...SWEATY BETTY!" lights go up, moshing starts etc.) One poor wretch was chucked out after being spotted holding the loo roll holder that he'd ripped out of the bog and was waiting to chuck on stage. The chippy owner we got dinner at shouted at the queue because everyone in it was singing "You Fat Bastard" at his wife.

The Dome, London June 1990

This show was announced at short notice and was probably a warm-up for the mini-tour that followed. The Dome was a newly-furbished venue, had just been opened and the Lads was the first ever gig to be held there. Eddie Shit was the support act and kicked off with 'Light My Fart' and finished with 'Poohemian Crapsody'. Halfway through Eddo's set his head was split open by an ashtray, but he carried on until the end like the true professional(!) that he is. The Lads kicked off with 'No Sleep 'Til Buxton'. At one point a fat roadie (K2?) has to wade into the crowd to retrieve a microphone and lead. The place was completely trashed by the end with carpets ripped up, stage covered in beer gob & piss and tables were overturned.

July 1990 Assembly Hall, Worthing

Bastard hot summer's day. They still came on in their leather jackets.
Eddie Shit slipped on the beer thrown at him and McCavity got a bottle
in the face before he'd even reached his guitar.
Some tiny bird with big knockers got on stage during "Do You Love Me"
to the Lads' glee and two lads in the front row took it in turns to snog
and grope a girl who didn't appear to mind.

Cliffs Pavilion, Southend-On-Sea July 1990

I don't remember too much about this gig. I missed Eddie Shit because I turned up late, but the Lads were on top form. There was a huge 8 foot gap in between the stage and the barrier so there were no stage invaders this time. The number of pint-pots thrown on stage seemed a bit low as well.
Quote from this gig:

"If you wanna become a Macc Lad you got to do three things: A - start drinking Boddingtons Bitter, B - Start eating gravy and chips, and C - stop sticking your willies up other blokes' ringpieces!" -Muttley

Guildhall, Portsmouth November 1990

The Bog n Roll Circus Tour. This is the tour where Mr Methane started supporting the Lads on a regular basis. He came on to do his 'act' and the audience chanted "you skinny bastard". A stream of bog roll was thrown during Eddie Shit's set, who picked it up and shoved it down the back of his leotard and up his arse before throwing it back in the audience! During the Lads set, Stella Strict came on during 'Sweaty Betty' dressed as a teacher and pointed each word of the lyrics (as the Lads and the audience were singing them) on a blackboard. She also came on for 'Fluffy Pup' and sang the '...But you told me that you loved me" lines etc. The audience seemed to be very proud of the fact that they were gobbing and aiming directly for her crotch! The lads played a 10 minute medley of songs from 'Beer n Sex...' and 'Bitter, Fit Crack'.

December 1990 Glasgow Barrowlands

Nasty security. A bouncer for the venue insisted on having a Macc Lads t-shirt and during the gig beat up one or two members of the audience. (I saw one of the thrashings). One lad was outside talking to the police when we left and apparently they came inside (by which time the Scots git had put his tux back on) and threatened to arrest Muttley as no one would name the culprit (who was hiding). The lads came on stage to "Bear Necessities", Beater sang "Boddies", Stella Strict sang "2 Stroke Eddie" and "Fluffy Pup" and Mr. Methane cured Muttley's bad leg and farted through his own song.

Manchester International 2, June 1991

The gig is on video as "Sex Pies and Videotape" but is a shallow Polygram-bottled-out
version of the actual show.
Highlights of this gig included the pie fight at the end, Sandbach, the entire audience chanting
"Beater is a Paki" to which he wrapped a towel around his head.
The two blokes in the front row with the "Beater is Gay" banner,
a song being introduced as "Sucking the pus out of Mother Theresa's piles"
and Eddie Shit's "cousin" Arthur Shit doing the warm-up act.

After the gig I saw Chorley the Hord go backstage with his girlfriend The Black Death.

After Dark Club, Reading June 1991

There was no support at this gig, but it was a complete sell-out so the club management asked the Lads to go a second gig the following night and they agreed. The stage was tiny with no barrier, so one of the fat roadies stood dancing in front of the stage for the entire gig. The lyrics to 'Dan's Underpant' were changed from "...we're going to find some girls, to give us a decent...alka seltza." to "decent...FUCK!" One song was introduced as "this is called, dig up your dead grandad and suck his rotting penis". Well that was the last gig I saw for quite a while - I missed the Ten Years Lafter Tour later that year because I was away at University. The Lads seemed to disappear from the limelight after that aniversary tour. It would be over 3 years before my next gig.

Nottingham Rock City, December 1993

Muttley was the only bona fide Macc Lad on stage for "The Return of the Macc Lads".
All old material as the new album wasn't finished and the opening was:
"We've become vegetarian so shout 'beans, beans we want more beans.
Meat's too expensive get the fucking beans in!".
Dennis the Menace T-shirts on sale, Dread dressed up like Stevie Wonder, lots of piss thrown
and the Lads changed "Lads From Macc" so that Al O'Peesha and Mard shouted
"Diddly-diddly-deedle-dee" where the guitar was supposed to be.
We went for grease afterwards, and Ben Nevis ate tons.
The lads hid the charge from a Party Popper in Nevis' cigarette which went off in his face.

The Marquee, London October 1994

Flyers advertising this gig said "The Macc lads will be coming to London to play a gentle set of acoustic love ballards...OR WILL THEY BOLLOCKS!" A journalist from the NME music newspaper was spotted in the audience, dancing and singing along to 'Sweaty Betty'. Someone wrote to the NME pointing this out and the letter was published. The journalist denied he was at the gig though. Support for this gig was some northern 'Chubby Brown-style' style comedian who lasted about 10 seconds before he'd had enough of being drenched in beer n piss and fucked off. During the Lads set, Al O'Peesha sang the first part of "Failure With Girls" before Muttley took over from the bit where it goes "...It were the first pint I ever had, and I changed to a real Macc lad". The song 'Charlotte' had to be restarted three or four times before they got it right because new drummer Winston Dread kept getting the drum bits wrong. Muttley was not impressed and shouted "can you fucking hear me?" at Winston who just shrugged. The new line-up was introduced and the Lads finished with 'Monkees'.