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MUTTLEY
McLAD
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Interview 01/07/99 by Liquid Goblin
Goblin took a trip to Macc to confront
Macc Lads vocalist & bassist Muttley. They chatted about the gross
old days.
Why did you decide to
stop playing, or did it just fizzle out?
Not a day goes by when I
don't miss getting gobbed on. But we'd done everything we wanted to
do. We wanted to start a band, get a record out, hear it on the jukebox
in the Bear's Head, put an album out, have a hit, be on the telly, do
a sell out tour, do this, do that, and do a World Tour. And they're
all done.
We were hardly going to get to number 1 or sell out Wembley.
Who
decided how the band should look?
That
was the Beater. Coz he was always cold. He said: "Put a denim jacket
on and do up the top button. You look dead 'ard". And it's true.
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Unfortunately
the fans you attracted
were nerds or skinheads.
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Bollocks. There were nerds
and skinheads, but there are nerds and skinheads at Rod Stewart gigs
as well. There were also women there, and black people, ginger-nuts,
Oxford professors, blind people, cripples, hippies, students and a lot
of smelly twats. There was one big Scottish woman at every gig. Always
at the front- strapped to the barrier 5 minutes after the doors opened
and wouldn't go to the bog in case she lost her place. She'd stand there
and piss in her jeans.
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Did John McBastard,
your biggest fan,
change his name by deed poll to McBastard?
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Probably. He used
to buy 7 copies of everything and he won all the competitions because
he entered a hundred times. There's other mad fans whose names I can't
remember. Lads with Macc Lads tattoos all over them. One lad had the Vauxhall
Viva Cartoon tattooed all over his back. So you think "How can you stop
gigging?" People like this will get so upset, and lots of puppies will
die if you stop.
But tough shite. |
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Is there anything that
you wish you'd done differently?
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We
should have never, ever, EVER done a video, or even had our photographs
taken.
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The
first video I saw, I was expecting three thugs, but you looked like
an estate agent in a biker's jacket.
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In 1982,
when we did the first one, they said: "Video's a new thing we don't know
if it's going to take off or not." No one had a machine to play them
on. I still haven't. |
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Was
that the video with the ferrets?
It's
very crap quality!
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We only
had the one cassette. It got copied 50 billion times, pissed on, farted
on and got lost up Sweaty Betty before you saw it. |
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Who's
the ginger guy getting beaten up?
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I don't
know. He just happened to be walking past and we beat the shit out of
him on video. |
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Anyone
that you regret having in the band?
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The
bass player was rubbish, but every guitarist and every drummer has been
fucking good. |
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Except
Al O'Peesha?
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Well
he was there wasn't he? He said "I can't play guitar, but I'm going to
stand up in front of 2000 bottle chucking gits and do it". He deserves
a medal.
There was one time we were very glad he was there. Mard was SO pissed
because he didn't read the labels on the cans. (Laughs) There was
a huge pile of cans in the dressing room, Dread and Mard got in there
and snaffled half of them each. Mard didn't read what it said on the tins.
I thought it said "Lager: Ignore" and Al O' Peesha was probably
at the library or something. So Dread went "Ooh! Dead-strong lager. Better
drink half now and half later." Mard went "Ooh! Piss-weak lager.
Drink it all now". So he drank it all and I think we were about 3 songs
in and he was hit with this anvil and just stood there looking at us with
his guitar hanging uselessly round his neck: "What's going on?". So I
shouted:"Axe! Turn that fucking piss-head off !". He was still trying
to get the intro to Blackpool right. We'd finished Blackpool 3 songs ago
and we're now doing something in a different key. He was a disgrace. |
 Mutt
& Al O'Peesha, 1990 |
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What
happened the first time you met Sandbach?
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We
were shutting the shop, it was dark, and this thing came in. Its eyes
were about half an inch apart, huge expanse of rosy cheeks, a bumpkin
beard that didn't quite meet in the middle and all these chins. I burst
out laughing. That was the first time I'd seen him and I fell about laughing.
I thought I was going to die. What was extra funny was that he was used
to it. He had this expression: "Oh well. He'll stop in a minute because
everybody does this when they first see me. Everybody falls about laughing".
He's standing there waiting for me to stop laughing. And that made it
funnier. I remember falling behind the counter so I couldn't see him.
I was lying there thinking: "I'm going to get my breath back, I'm
not going to die." I'm trying to recover, and I looked at the floor,
and there was his shadow.This stupidly-shaped shadow. I was off again.
He stood there for ten minutes -waiting for me stop laughing and get my
breath back |
 The
finest living Englishman |
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Did
you really pour piss out of the window onto him when he came back to
the shop eating a kebab?
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Of course. |
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