BAMMY THE BAMSTER INTERVIEW

Bammy the Bamster is one of the Old Guard from the Macc Lads' early days. He knew all the original members of the Macc Lads and is mentioned in the song "The Macc Lads Party".
His wind-breaking antics were legendary in Macclesfield.
He e-mailed us in January 99 and agreed to supply us with some gossip about the pre-pubescent, early-80s Macc Lads.

How do you know the Macc Lads?

I was in the first band that Beater and Stez Styx were in. We were called The Scum. Beater sacked Stez because he couldn't drum and he's hated him ever since. We played our first gig in Macclesfield at St Paul's which was a run down club run by drug addicts, gravediggers and prostitutes.

What the hell's a "bamster"?

It's a cross between Bammy and Hamster.
I used to shag my birds in a cage.

On the same bill at St Pauls were The Lemmingth which had Muttley on Bass and Plug on Vocals. Plug is the subject of Now He's a Poof. Muttley asked me to design the first album cover and the Macc Lads logo. I also designed a logo for Hectic House which is one of my favourites!

I've set fire to a bird's fanny when she got too hot and a few pairs of St Michael's. I once tried to light a joint with one, but my arse became paranoid.

Muttley is a nice bloke who basically likes to keep himself to himself, so is Beater. I liked Stez the best because he's a cuddly bunny who does not suffer fools gladly. A bit like myself. Except that I'm a cuddly fool who fucking hates bunnies.

I design ads, literature, campaigns, websites, CD-ROMs, - all the usual ad agency stuff. We're fucking good at it as well, but ignore that picture of me. That's a picture of me after extensive plastic surgery and a resection of my liver, and a colon and kidney replacement.

Muttley was doing a soundcheck somewhere and the cable shorted and lifted him a foot off the ground. I forget who it was that saved his life but he was saved by a rugby tackle. Ever since then the bloke who saved his life has been secretly pouring piss into Muttley's shoes while Muttley is asleep.

Our two kids are called Baz and Matt. Baz is 2 years old and is exactly what you would want your kid to be like. If he bangs his head on something he doesn't cry he punches it.. He snores like a force 10 gale. He prefers Boddingtons to Caffreys. He never drinks lager. If he doesn't like the food you give him he hurls it at the nearest wall screaming 'what's this shite?' He buries his head in the tits of women he has never met. And he smiles when he shits.

Plug was a very tall curly haired mate of ours. We thought he was very funny and looked a bit strange. Anyway, we all went to London at various stages, and unfortunately Plug decided to stay. He turned into a poof when some other southern poofter shagged him. Shame really.

Because it 's honest and it really happens . It even happens at Baz's nursery - babies are twatting each other, stealing each others drinks, trying to sit next to the best bird, blaming that turd on someone else...

What's your favourite Macc Lads song?

Sweaty Betty.

TOP

INTERVIEWS

HOME