MACC LADS TRACKLIST M-N

MORE TEA VICAR?

Muttley- A great story. It happened to this lad I know. His bird's wandering round the kitchen dropping jism, and he's running out of ways to cover it up... But her dad wasn't a vicar. I made that bit up.
Chorley- You bastard! I thought it was all true. That's upset me now.

MR METHANE

Muttley- This bloke really exists!
Bald Eagle- Those farts are real, genuine, and really stink.

O'Peesha- On the Bog n Roll Circus Tour, Methane cured cripples with a simple rectal rasp.
He can trump to order, and his anal airs have magical properties.
Beater- He couldn't get your hair to grow back though. Anyway, the song is rubbish.

Git- I think McLad has slightly exaggerated Methane's powers.
Although Methane is still alive... and Leonard Rossiter isn't.

MUSSELMAN

Git- An unrecorded ode to that bloke who appears
in every pub with a tray of whelks.
McCavity- And never sells any.
Nevis- I buy stuff off him.
Barrel- I buy loads. In fact, I buy the most.
And I wrote this.

MY PUB

Git- The Bear's Head closed for refurbishment for two days, giving my boys time to write and record Bitter, Fit Crack. When it re-opened, the Lads cried 'Foul' at the sight of flock wallpaper and carpets, decided on a boycott, and retired to the Bear's Head to discuss details.

McCavity- Chorley really liked it when they changed the Bear's around. He says:
"There's mirrors in the bogs, tampon machines and everything!"
Of course, none of the women in there could tell that he was a bloke.

O'Peesha- Igor staggered in the Red Lion, half cut, and ordered a whisky. They wouldn't serve him.
He had an argument with the manager, who pointed out that the Red Lion closed six months ago.
It is now called 'Terence John'.

NAGASAKI SAUCE

Git- Gordon has been forever thankful to my boys.
For over fifteen years, drunkards fight, vomit and sing this ditty in his shop.
Inevitably, Gordon will fall over laughing,
as its at least ten minutes since he last heard it.
Gordon smiles and takes the money.

O'Peesha- A fan from Germany rang to tell us about his visit.
He flew to Manchester, got a train to Macc, walked into Gordon's, and ordered chips n gravy:
"'Scuse me mate, are you German?" Enquired a bloke in the queue.
"Ja!"            Thwack!

NAUGHTY BOY

McCavity- Its all true! He never stopped. He even painted my park bench, in slow drying paint, exactly the same colour as it was before. It took four coppers and a blowtorch to get me off in the morning.

Chorley- I liked his trick with the outside bogs. It was always dark out there, and you had to use your thumb to open the latch. He put a big lump of dogshit on the latch, with a drawing pin in it.
Everybody did the same thing: "Argh!"-Thumb in mouth. Great.

Stez- Who the fuck cares what you like? You fucking tart.

NEWCY BROWN

Bald Eagle- I got Eddie Shit down to sing the lead on this one.
Which is just as well, as Nevis had just used my toilet,
after a lengthy session at the Ring of Fire Tandoori.
That bog glistened when Eddo had finished.
It was so clean, Knobby refused to eat his dinner off it.

Git- The video for this song features Al O'Peesha as an alcoholic tramp. (McCavity wasn't there!)
We talked Al into falling down the 108 steps.
We did three takes before I confessed that I had not shelled out for any film.

NO SHEEP 'TIL BUXTON

Git-The Lads' one and only hit single.
Smelling a hit a mile away, I feature quite strongly on this track.
I play the sheep bleating in a Jewish accent, (already)
- justifying my 95% share of the royalties.

McCavity- My sheep was the best.
Chorley- Fuck off twatty.
My cow at the end was what made this a hit.

O'Peesha- I wrote the script for the video:
"Drive into the hills and fuck about with sheep".
Nevis was the star, chasing a flock of sheep with his bags round his ankles.
The fat fool.

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