MACCULTURE: A to Z
taken from the Macclesfield English Dictionary (MED)
(Pronounced Sand Batch)
a) A service station on the M6.
b) The most useless, stupid, fat and cretanic roadie ever employed by the Band.
Dressed by his mother, tourists visit and gape in awe.
3. A Cheshire village responsible for the interbreeding of (b).
Pies and Videotape
A video released in 1992. Due to cuts enforced by the film company, it is a timid affair
-but well worth a look- if only for Sandbach's dance during the closing credits.
An EP released in 1988, featuring No Sheep 'til Buxton;
I Live in a Wool de Sack; and Mary Had a Little Problem,
- ovine humour ran riot.
Adverts proclaimed: Flock and Roll; Sheep at Half the Price;
In All Good Record Chops Now!
The roadies were renamed Flockstock and Pen Nevis;
and the manager was forced to sign his name as Slimy Dip.
Macc's own Elizabethan bard. His first play Richard the Turd (1589) was totally ignored.
As were subsequent offerings, Ale's Well, Bell End's Well, and the curry-house comedy Twelfth Shite.
His illegitimate offspring (with Baggy Anne Hathaway)- Smuttley Mucklad- was more successful.
Real name: Edvard Scheitzenhausen.
A toilet cleaner and pub singer from Aintree. His act consisted of singing Beatles songs whilst defecating on stage. Early favourites included: "She Loves Poo", "And Your Turd Can Stink", "Being for the Benefit of Mr Shite" and "Shit Came in Through the Bathroom Window". Mr Shit was last seen on stage with the RLSC (Royal Lavatorial Shakesbeer Co.) in a production of "Toilet and Cressida". MORE SHIT
Pot became a garage mechanic as he could do the "Fffff" (sharp intake of breath) very well.
He looked after the Ladsí vans until he was whisked away to join Nigel Mansell's F1 team.
On Pot's first Grand Prix, Mansell screamed into the pits, 9.7 seconds behind first place:
"Smooth tyres now!"
Pot replied: "Fffff....Thursday?"
A gay musician with hits such as: "This Old Arse of Mine", "I Was Only Jockeying",
"You're in My Arse, You're in My Hole", "Young Turds" and "Vaseline Alley".
Stu had to leave the area when confronted with...
An extremely hard, well-built roadie. He moved slowly, always wore caterpillars,
and had a revolving turret on his shoulders. Why he was called 'Tankie' remains a mystery.
A PA man from Zummerzet who had a beard, chewed hay, and married his mother.
A car which appears in various episodes of The Sweeney.
Muttley got one from a scrapyard in 1981.
It served as tourbus and passion wagon for 5 years.
The suspension gave way when Barrel got in.
Essential to the daily diet:-
Vitamin A = Ale. Vitamin B = Beer. Vitamin B12 = Lots of Beer.
Vitamin C = Chips. Vitamin D = Drink. Vitamin N = Fags.
A noise made by Druids.
Too lazy to make up their own language, they have collected all the unused letters from English-
(e.g. The 'G' from 'bough' and all the 'L's from various branches of Lloyds Bank).
Thus, in translation: Llangollen = 'Dump', Rhyl = 'Dump' and Gwynedd = 'Dump'.
Macc had a host of indigenous creatures-
see EXTINCT SPECIES
A Potter and a PA man, permanently toilet bound.
His favourite foods were botulism, salmonella and mildew.
Bill was at every gig, and everybody thought he was with someone else.
Slimy had arranged for a Bristol curry house to stay open for 19 people,
(band, roadies, support act, PA, and lighting crew). Bill came along too.
The Beater didn't have a seat, because there were twenty people.
The miserable Asian enquired: "Is Bill with us?"
A spotty youth who followed the Lads around and learned the ropes.
Later he sprouted a ludicrous afro wig, discovered hemp, and adopted the name
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