Macc. English Dictionary


Quotes taken from the Macclesfield English Dictionary (MED)

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How Macclesfield is referred to throughout the Known World.
It is every pilgrim's duty to drink and sleep facing Macca and to worship the One True God- Ale.

A biscuit invented in Macc- made from nails, barbed wire and broken glass.
Eaten by women and children, considered 'too soft' by the men.

McCavity, Phillip
The guitarist with two personalities.
Five days a week, 'Fast Fret' decided that everything was hilarious.
He'd set fire to girls' bottoms, play pranks until everyone wanted to kill him,
drink copious amounts into the small hours and tell crap jokes to the milkman.
Two days a week, he would take his meths to his favourite park bench,
and contemplate suicide. Always carried his belongings around in Tesco bags-
his prize possession being a dead cat.

A Macclesfield garment made from rubberised cloth, designed to keep tourists dry.
McLad, Muttley
Fat singer, bass player and songwriter.
Has attended every gig, and appears on every record. He annoyed Slimy by defending himself in court during the 'Plastic Dog Shit Case'- and winning.
Mr Git had organised a huge publicity campaign for when McLad was sent down.
It was McLad's decision to dissolve the group in 1995. Slimy never forgave him.
Mutts sided with the 'Thinnies' during disputes, despite his huge kite.
Male virility, strength, and aggression.
A man thus described must surely come from Macc.

Macc Swell, Robert
A business colleague of Slimy's. Their last meeting was on a yacht in 1991.

Macc's Hymn
A pithy saying or proverb, originating in Macc; used as lyrics by Mr McLad.

An adjective used to denote biggest, best, loudest, strongest etc;
EG- "Maccsey-mum effort"- the mother of all efforts-
( effort so fantastic, it must have come from Macc).

Mard, Johnny
An old school friend, he was around 30 seconds away from
being a founder member of the group.
He became guitarist in 1994, but has contributed on many occasions since 1981, although Stez would never give him any credit.
Mard was the inventor of the 'Mard Stand'-
a larger version of a guitar stand, designed to keep a drunken musician
upright whilst playing on stage.

Methane, Mr
Macclesfield's own super hero who can supply tuneful rectal rasps at will.
He has supported the Lads on several occasions, most notably in Glasgow in 1990
when the Lads insisted he have his own airtight dressing room... in Cleethorpes.

Minge Pies & Mistletoe
An EP released in 1983. It contained six Christmas songs.
The guitar sounded weedy and the mastertape was dropped into a pan of curry.
Monkey, Cheeky
A close friend of Uncle Knobby. The pair sat for hours in Knowsley Safari Park,
picking nits out of each other's hair. He played drums at a handful of gigs.
Last spotted heading for Chester Zoo with his climbing frame.
Mousse, Robert the (1280-1314)
Led the Army at the Battle of Bannockbum. A sweet, fluffy chap who was frightened of spiders.
He lost.

A very large and very hard roadie whose knuckles dragged along the floor.
The Army gave him a medal for shooting people...
and a prison sentence for shooting some other people.
Mungo came home drunk one Christmas Eve, and ate the turkey.
His wife wasn't too upset: he'd saved her the bother of cooking it.

Il Duce believed that Mrs Thatcher was a bit of a pinko commy liberal.
When he was doorman at concerts, he refused to let in anyone who looked
scruffy or foreign. He barred Chorley at one gig, until he'd got his hair cut.
The Beater was sneaked in- hidden under the floorboards of a lorry.

Nevis, Benjamin
The 'Thinnies' used to play tricks and take the piss out of the 'Fatties'.
To counter this, Nevis invented 'The Flounder'.
Mungo, Lockstock and Mussolini would seize an unsuspecting thinny,
pin him down, and Nevis would do a bellyflop on the hapless creature.
'Thinnies' who have been 'Floundered' as follows:- 
McCavity 8,  The Beater 7,  Muttley 4,  Chorley 5,  Al O'Peesha 4328.

Niss, P.
A nice chap who helped out with flyposting, roadying etc.
One day he got drunk, shot-up Muttley's flat, and stuffed a gun in Slimy's mouth,
( as Mr Git wouldn't share his chips).
Muttley later confessed that he had lost count of the number of shots fired
when he twatted Niss with a tin of Meaty Chunks.
Slimy had emptied his bladder... but still wouldn't share his chips.

Nitty Nora
Visited schools with her "Nit Comb". Uncle Knobby fell in love,
and spent his evenings licking her comb clean

Ray No
From an immigrant family, Ray's real name is unpronounceable.
It contains no vowels. Ray's mother would not let him out of the house:
"Raymond! No! You are not going out viss girls until you are sirty!"
Ray always smelled of hamsters.

Wife of Big Ears, (he lovingly refers to her as 'Bessie Sea Bass').
She is the only living person to have thumped Stez Styx.

O'Peesha, Algenon
Chief fat-baiter, roadie, PR man, and some-time guitarist.
Al once compiled a list of fans who lived in University Halls of Residence.
At the start of the holidays, he sent out parcels of dead mice and dogshit.
When the students returned, these parcels had been festering for four weeks.

O'Polo, Macc (1254-1324)
Intrepid explorer and adventurer.
He was first to tread the Silk Road, discovering exotic places such as
China, Mongolia and Leek. He is credited with introducing silk, mints and Gordon.
Orange, Still
Alcoholic roadie who was on the wagon more often than not.

Poof, Todd
Todd's PA systems were legendary throughout NW England
for their ability to humm, squeal, feedback, fall over, and be quiet.

A very posh village just outside Macc.
Ordinary people have to remove their shoes at the parish boundary.
The roads must all be steep and muddy, judging by the number of 4-wheel drive
vehicles that shuttle between Prestbury and Sainsbury's car park.

Quiet, Mr
A roadie who allegedly accompanied the band on several tours.
No one can ever remember him saying a word. Or even being there.

One of the '3Rs' taught in all Macc schools. (Rudeness, Racism & Spelling)

Al O'Peesha's incredibly dim dog. A cross between a curly council dog
and a Roman helmet, Rowell ran the fan club for a number of years,
but was not very good. Letters were chewed, and the phone was never answered.

Runway, Egon
In the early 1980s, Egon ran a rehearsal studios in Macc. It was a front for his nefarious
activities, (judging by the pound notes on the washing line, this included money laundering).
Inevitably, shady characters and CID would make frequent appearances, causing Egon to run away.
The Lads would turn round and say: "Where's ee gone?"
Macc Culture S-Z  

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