vast waste of Macclesfield Forest was inhabited by a plethora of native
1. The Ssoftvark
small mammal which dwelt in the dense woodland undergrowth.
2. The Sanitary Owl
A white flightless bird with red spotting. Only seen for a few days every month. During this time it was so irrational and bad tempered that shopkeepers refused to sell it any of its favourite foods- ice cream and chocolate. Its habitat has been invaded by owls with wings.
3.The White Dogshit
slow- moving, slug-like parasite that would attach itself to the soles
4. The Bombay Duck
A regular visitor from the Indian Subcontinent, they made their homes in restaurants and take-aways, where they would lie undisturbed for years. However, the Bombay Duck was first hunted by William Shakesbeer (1564-1616). A host of poets, lyricists and stand-up comedians followed suit, (See also: Tit; Thrush; Cock; Trouser Snake; Bearded Clam; Beaver; Pussy ). These predators made the species almost extict, but survivors were finally killed off by the introduction of the Duck Filled Platypus in 1998.
5. The Maccrell
A boneless, scaleless fish native to the River Bollin. It had white flesh, a crispy golden skin, and enjoyed swimming in boiling hot fat. Certain subspecies were found covered in vinegar and mushy peas. Hunted to extinction by Gordon in the Eighteenth Century.
7. The Adder
adder or viper thrived in Macc Forest for thousands of years until
the coming of the motor car.
8. The Woofter
by its extremely tasteful and tidy den, mincing gait, and passion
for halves of lager and fairy cakes. This limp-wristed vegetarian
can still be found in dense concentrations further South, notably
London (180 miles SE) and Brighton (230 m SE).