Macc. English Dictionary





Git- For a period of time, Muttley kept disappearing at weekends, and returned sounding like
an extra from When the Boat Comes In. He finally admitted that he had been seeing a girly in Newcastle,
but it all ended after an unfortunate episode with 'pease pudding'.
Chorley- I saw her once, she had a dead fat arse, unlike me, who hasn't ... Have I?
McCavity- I set fire to her arse.



Muttley- I can't listen to this anymore. It reminds me of penalties.

Git- The Germans surprised me wen we toured there. Far from being the fun-loving scamps
of folklore, they were serious, efficient and laughed only when ordered to.

Mard- This was the most requested song when we toured Germany. But we didn't play it..
we played the ones they wouldn't like. Squarehead bastards.



Git- Muttley claims he ripped this from 'Johnny Todd'
(the Z Cars theme).
I Panicked
over royalties and investigated.
Had I remembered that the poor boy is tone-deaf,
I could have saved 10/-6d
- or whatever it is that gramophone records cost these days.



Muttley- That barmaid from St Helens.... I'd been at a party in Knutsford, and offered
this bird a lift back in the morning. Of course, by the morning she'd grown a curly tail and trotters.
Near Monk's Heath, the Viva breaks down. She thought I'd done it on purpose
and grabbed me while I was trying to find the bonnet release. I was pinned down with the gearstick in me ribs,
and her breath hit me. It was like a fog.
She must have been eating
a garlicky- spinachy thing with dogshit in it.
Anyway, I had to do the business, otherwise
she might have thought I was a poof.
Stez- She thought you were anyway.


Git- Never before has a song's lyrics been quoted as grounds for divorce.
Not for the squeamish, this one.

Muttley- Its about that old Monty Python sketch where the woman keeps
taking her plaice for a walk, even though its been dead for years. I've always liked that.
McCavity- Huh? Yer what?


Git- Since the Middle Ages it has been a Macclesfield custom to
drink hideous amounts of ale,
then visit Gordon's to hurl abuse
and fight with other pissed peasants.
For centuries, Gordon has smiled and taken the money.

Muttley- Me and Fast Fret wrote this on the way back from Gordon's one night.
McCavity- We kept finding claws and fur and stuff in us gravy.


Beater- This was about that MP woman who said that all Northern men eat is chips.
That's why we're all fat and spotty. Should we talk about the handclaps now?
Chorley- Don't you fucking dare, you coon!
O'Peesha- We had to use a machine because Chorley couldn't get the handclaps right.
Chorley- That's bollocks and you know it. I was the only one in time.


Git- A song dedicated to the obscene amounts of cash spent in the Grease Stop Challenge-
a post concert rite practised by my boys. The winner being the one who eats most grease - a disgusting and unhealthy activity to which myself and the Beater were exempted on religious grounds. He is Moslem, and I hate wasting money.

O'Peesha- Mungo holds the record - 20 bacon, 20 sausage, 6 eggs, 6 black pudding, double
beans, double chips, 2 pints of milk and a penguin.

Stez- I used to slip the odd sausage into Beater's curry.
Beater- Twat.

Chorley- At one grease stop, we all ate tons and the roadies nicked the ketchup bottles.
As soon as we were in the van, they covered Nevis in tomato sauce.
Nevis goes: "Tut! I feel like a fish finger now!" And Muttley shouts: "What? Already?"
Any road up, I thought it was funny.


Git- I always thought it fortunate that this story took place in Duckinfield.

Barrel- I wrote this.

Chorley- At one gig, we decided to start with this song. Lights down, I sneak on, and start
the drums, then Muttley comes on and starts the bass- etc. Of course the lights go down and its pitch black. The first thing the crowd hears is me falling over my kit and knocking all the mikestands into the pit.