Macc. English Dictionary


1067- William the Conqueror grants "ye lands in ye swarde of Macc's feld to Jean de Normandie,
         henceforth Sir John de Macclesfield."

1081- In an amazing coincidence, John builds his castle at one end of Castle Street-
         right next to Macc Donald's.

1086- The Domesday Book entry reveals Macclesfield to have a population of 12,
         land for four ploughs, and thirteen alehouses.

1281- Macc O'Polo walks the Silk Road and makes contact with the outside world.
         He reaches Buxton (1281), Leek (1282) and China (1283).


- Macc brings home spices; silk; mints; tea; gunpowder and Gordon:-
         an oriental entrepreneur.


1287- Gordon establishes an emporium on the banks of the local river.
         It is a place where fighting takes place after the alehouses are drunk dry.

1290- Gordon begins to sell hot turnips for the crowds that gather to watch the fights.

1301-Trout is added to the menu. Fish and Nips becomes the local delicacy.

1346- The local archery team visits Picardy and defeat 20,000 French knights on the field of Crécy.
         They return with blood-soaked mud from the battlefield, complete  with spinal cords,
         hair and bits of brain. They present this mud to
          Gordon as a momento of their deeds:
           "Behold the soil of Picardy, where many frogs were bashed this day,
            .... and now lieth in their graves."

1347- Gordon invents gravy, and begins to market 'nips and glavy'.

1431- Joan of Arse burned at the stake. The decision was taken to burn her body
         as engineers could not dig a hole big enough to bury her.

1484- Gordon takes advantage of the Wars of the Roses,
           and gets the contract to clean up the battlefields.
           His new menu features cold peasant with boiled lice.

1485- A hungry hunchback is spotted in Gordon's shouting:
                   "A horseburger! A horseburger!
                    My kingdom for a horseburger."


1523- Local fat bastard Macc Ear, cultivates an enormous belly.
         He eats dried worms, puppies, and even children in his search for greatness.
         He travels the world displaying his huge gut: The Macc Ear Belly.
         Eventually he becomes rich- proving that the end justifies the means.
         He died of obesity in Florence, where locals took to eating his dried worm recipe-
         and called it Macc Irony.

1564- Birth of William Shakesbeer- bard of Macclesfield.
         He writes a series of rude plays and beery ballads:
          King Beer, Macc Breath,
& Toilet and Cressida.

1588- William has a bastard son with a local trollop called Baggy Anne Hathaway.
         The boy is known throughout the Shire as Smuttley (for his dirty mind)
(as he works in a sty). Mucklad pens several sonnets including:
          My Lady Muck, Hogbashing, Lads from Muck, and I Love Muck.

1603- Courageous sea dog, Sir Salty Raleigh sails round the world,
         and returns with a potato, a guitar and twenty Embassy No1.

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