MACC LADS TRACKLIST T-Z

TWENTY PINTS

Muttley- I went out drinking in Bollington.
This old bloke was wittering, and I just
used his whole conversation for the song.
An old woman came in the pub and he shouts:
"Alright Ethel, 'ave y'ad a wash today?"
Shame we couldn't squeeze that line in.

Beater- The first time I played this on stage was about ten minutes after I first heard it.
Stez- We met Abdul at the station and gave him his guitar and said:
"We're on in half an hour, and we're playing a new song that non of us has heard yet."
He shat bricks.

TWO STROKE EDDIE

Git- I decided to audition the girls for the role of Stella Strict. I narrowed it down to two...
One had a great voice, the other had fantastic stage presence. Which one got the job?
The one with the biggest tits.

Muttley- Eddie never pulled. But one night at a party this bird got dead pissed and ended up sleeping with him. Next day he panicked: "Is she pregnant? Have I caught something?" He was in a right flap. He asked me to ask her what the score was.
She said: "I didn't even know he'd been in!"

UGLY WOMEN

McCavity- I got ratarsed recording this. The bottleneck guitar was a bastard. I used a can of beer, but it only sounded right if it was just over half full. I got through fifty cans.
O'Peesha- You told me sixty!
Mard- Go on...? You said you got pissed... So what else did you drink? Eh? Pansy.

UNCLE KNOBBY

Git- Never played live because the band refused
to have that crusty pervert in the van.
Especially not after that business with the coypu.
Personally, reprehensible though his personal habits are,
I have always been impressed by his very reasonable rates.
History will record that the chorus was sung by Buboe,
a girlfriend of one of the band...
so called as she appeared as a shapely growth under his armpit.

Knobby- I wiped my foreskin in Mrs Rigsby's butterdish.

VERSE LXIX

Muttley- A song about a naughty nun, which never got released. Slimy said it was too much to take the piss out of religion as well as everything else. Which was bollocks.
He nicked the tape and put it in safe keeping in the hope that one of us would get killed
by something thrown on stage. Then he would release it and retire.

Mard- I'm sure I've seen Slimy in the audience handing round catapults.
Chorley- And grenades.
Git- Unfounded, groundless accusations. I was in Bournemouth at the time...
And I have never seen any of you before in my life.

VIGILANTE SHANTY

Git- The unwelcome return of Uncle Knobby.
Macc made the 9 0'Clock news when some wretched burglar
was stripped, tarred, feathered and chained up by locals.
Personally, I would destroy all offenders:-
everyone from women drivers to crusty old perverts like
... well, like Uncle Knobby actually.

Knobby- I've got some warm liver in my trousers.

VILLAGE IDIOT
O'Peesha- When we had the shop, we used to dread Thursdays. So many fucking dribbling buffoons and windowlickers used to plague us in there:- its obscene.
One example:
This old bloke used to come in every Thursday and dance around like a marionette-
you know, like someone was pulling his strings from upstairs. He'd just walk in and
start to dance and shout: "Doe!" "Doe!" -For about twenty minutes.

Git- Indeed I was myself tricked into menial shop duty on a Thursday. A smelly chap came in and asked me to play him a record: "Through the big speakers!"
"These, my dear chap, are filing cabinets." I responded.
I flicked the radio on, and he started to dance. To an interview with Kenny Dalglish.

TRACKLIST MENU

HECTIC HOUSE