MACC LADS TRACKLIST A-B
Git- Ah, the Great Beer Drought
of 1990. It lasted around 30 minutes...
Long enough for my boys to
write The Beer Necessities LP.
The drought was due to Ben Nevis taking over the Bear's Head,
engrossing himself in 144 boxes of pork scratchings, and forgetting to
order any beer.
Muttley- Well? Don't you fucking-well HATE queuing at the
Beater- Stez made Slimy buy a kit with two bass drums,
just so he could show off on this song. And
it sounds shite.
Apart from the guitar- which is great.
Git- This title was suggested
to me by a punter.
I was amazed by a sign of wit from one of the Great
and congratulated the oaf:
"A highly perceptive post modern pun," said I.
wha'?" said he.
Mard- Pick one song we ever did. This is it. Great song.
Beater- Its rubbish.
McCavity- How come my guitar
sounds like bagpipes on this?
Beater- Because you can't play.
Git- We presented ourselves at the Bear's Head to celebrate All
Day Opening on the day the law
was changed. Sadly, the staff had gone to another pub to hold their
O'Peesha- Did anyone ever find out what "root beer" is?
Chorley- Yeah, its like a conditioner, it stops you getting split
O'Peesha- What can I say?
Chorley- Shut it- you bald bastard.
Muttley- Why the fuck
do we ever go there? I HATE queues.
Git- I foolishly agreed to fund a Lads' day out to Alton Towers.
Knowing it to be bereft
beer, I predicted their sober return with change. Little did I realise
the road crew and immediately locate the jumbo hot dog stalls.
Beater- This place is full of horrible fat women with more kids
than me. Its rubbish.
Stez- It was great fun recording
Beater- No it wasn't.
Git- I must point out that no animals were injured during this
recording, as Stez discovered that
thumping a dog did not actually sound like a dog being thumped. Likewise
for cats, cows
and coypus ...
What does sound right is a foot embedding in an Asian's stomach.
Chorley- Don't know why, but
we could never be bothered to play this at gigs.
Mard- We could never be bothered to record it either.
McCavity- Or write it.
Muttley- This is brilliant. And
its only got two chords in it.
Beater- Has it?
Mard- What? Only two? ... Not when I fucking well play it.
Barrel- I wrote this
Stez- I always wanted to be a dentist. In fact I think I'll practise
on the Beater right now...
ON THE PIES AGAIN
Dread- Jew's harp, jug blowing,
drumming- da brudda got riddim innit?
Mard- Yer what??
O'Peesha- This song was dedicated to Barrel, Lockstock, Ben Nevis,
Mungo, Killingman Giro, K2,
Sandbach and all the huge, fat, lying, useless blubbery things that have
on our travels.
Git- It is interesting to note that I supplied two 'Tesco Value
Individual Economy Pork Pies' for
consumption on this track, and have not yet sent my invoice. Hmmm...
Back in the mists of time, when everything was in black
When fags cost one and nine, and pavements stank of white dogshite,
This woman lived up Letsby Avenue, and you couldn't grow up without her
She'd change a young boy into a man.... and her name was Baggy Anne...
O'Peesha- At the early gigs we didn't have many songs, so Muttley
used to do poems.
Muttley- Did I? ... I forgot all about that.
Beater- Oh fuck... them bloody poems. Bloody rubbish.
Stez- It was great when he did them poems! I used to go to the
bar in between songs.
Git- A tale of an evening in a backstreet pub where the infamous
Old Tom barley wine was served.
Legend says the landlord would only serve you a half, unless he knew you.
Barrel- I wrote this! This was for my first band in the sixties-
The Beached Buoys.
Git- I pointed out to Muttley
that Gilbert and Sullivan had died 50 years ago.
Now anyone could steal
their tunes. He returned from the pub with:
'Ooh Wank a Do, Wank a Day'.
Muttley- Beater said this song was shite when I wrote it.
He said no one would be interested
that Barrel was round.
I told him it was a pun, but he still didn't understand.
Beater- I did yes!
Barrel- I'm not round, I've just got big bones.
& SEX & CHIPS N GRAVY
Git- After recording,
I touted the LP around major record companies. To no avail.
one company did write back: "We have no wish to promote the Macc
'Beans & Sex & Chips & Gary'..." Ah well..
Muttley- We recorded this one twice, for some reason. The second
version was great.
Beater- The first version was shite, the drums were crap. The
second version was OK.
Chorley- Cheers, Abdul.
Stez- Ha! The Beater didn't play on the second version!
O'Peesha- I wanted to be on the LP. Muttley said I could play
mouth organ on this song.
I only had
an organ in 'C', so they played the song in 'C'. Then they found out
that I can't
mouth organ, so they beat me up and got the kazoos instead. I think
one on the single) was better 'coz they played it in the proper key.
Mard- What the fuck is that bald twat going on about?