THE MACC LADS SONGBOOK

Muttley McLad
The fat bass player and singer who writes most of the songs.
He has been at every gig, smoked the most tabs,
and collected a complete set of embarrassing diseases.

The Beater
Asian-looking guitarist, hypochondriac, top-class moaner,
who beats about the bush. He has left the band several times
as he hates everyone in it. His arranged marriage was not a success.

Stez Styx
A drummer who doesn't know what he's fighting for, but will fight anyone for it.
Stez has spent most of his life propping up bars, hitting people with bars,
or behind bars.

Philip 'Fast Fret' McCavity
Meths-swilling, guitar-playing vagrant who knows no pain.
He lives in a pub doorway, collects dog-ends and has bathed only once-
apparently it "weakens the constitution".

Chorley the Hord
Long-haired, effeminate, ladies' man who could play drums and mince.
Chorley has a tidy flat, and owns deoderant, soap and soft toilet paper.

Johnny Mard
Guitarist and the hardest man in Macc- when Stez is inside.
Mard is of great interest to scientists, as he has only one internal organ-
a vast bladder enabling him to drink upto 19 gallons of ale
without going to the bogs.

Winston Dread
Jiving, funky, trendy, drummer. A car thief with ‘Riddim’.
Winston can dance, play a variety of percussion instruments,
and owns a Bob Marley LP. He likes to help the police with their enquiries.

Throughout the years, various associates, friends and hangers-on have included:

Al O'Peesha (the weedy, bald one)
Slimy Git (this is me manager, guru, and master of business affairs)
Slippery Git (my nephew, who sells tee-shirts at concerts at very reasonable rates)
Axe(skinny soundman, tour manager and eating champion)
Slob (his job seems to have been eating and sleeping)

The Obese Roadcrew:
Blub (fat git who smelled of cat food)
Tankie (small, hard bastard, who never spoke)
Mungo (big, hard bastard, who never spoke)
Igor (hunchback who liked sausages)
Lockstock (fat, jolly)
K2 (very fat, miserable)
Barrel (very, very, fat, lying, useless lump)
Ben Nevis ( as above, but taller)
Killing Man Giro (as above, but drunker)
Bach (very fat, very useless, very, very, very stupid, lying lump ...
In fact Bach was so dense that, at times, no light could escape)

LANGUAGE
Songs were written in Macc dialect:-
I have translated them into Queen's English, (where possible).
Consequently some lines may not appear to rhyme.
Alternative spellings appear in italics;
backing vocal lines are written in brackets.

SLANG
Notes have been made for dim readers, and a full glossary can be found in the A-Z.
However, some words which crop up in almost every song are:-
Boddies- Boddington's Bitter- local beer (until recently),
it may not be the best, but it does rhyme with more words
than, say, Britvic Orange.
Crack- Derogatory term for women, (the collective noun being clump)
Fit - Attractive or desirable
Lump- Derogatory term for men, used by women.
Profit- Hardly mentioned, but I just like the word.

WOMEN
These tend to have slim waists and sticky-out chests.
They nag alot, shouldn't be allowed to vote, drive, or breed.

They do sing the lead on "Dan's Round Us Andbags" & "Two Stroke Edward".

MUSIC
The letters at the top of each page are the chords used in that song,
in no particular order; 'mod' means that the song 'modulates'
( changes key), and that all the songs are in 4/4 time
(or 2/4 occasionally) except where it says '3/4'.
(Personally, I haven't a fucking clue what that previous paragraph
was all about.. but I'm told that musicians will understand).

COPYRIGHT
All the lyrics are copyrighted, (i.e. I OWN THEM)
E.G. ©1985 gives the date the song was (probably) written.
This is required by law, to stop people from 'stealing' the songs.
This red tape has cost a fortune, and who wants to steal this
steaming pile of badgershit? Elton Bastard John? Paver-fucking Rotty?
George Cunting Pissing Arsing Buggering Popadopalous Michael?

Slimy Git, Sept. 1999

HORRID HUNDRED