Macc. English Dictionary


A confession

During the soundcheck Johnny Mard was not a happy bunny.
He was appalled by Al O'Peesha's guitar playing. So Mard had words with the Axe.
"Turn him off." Said Mard.
"Can't do that." Said Axminster.
"Turn.Him.Off." Retorted Mard.
"Arrgh, gerroff me arm! Alright, alright." Squealed the Axe.

Gig over, the Lads are in the dressing room, and the fans pile in.
Winston is in Drummer's Corner:
as usual, he is surrounded by women. (Why is it always the drummer?)
Mard is in Muso's Corner, surrounded by guitarists.
O'Peesha is putting laxatives in the roadies' drinks.
This leaves Muttley to be the fat git everyone has to squeeze past on the way in.

"Rate, which one of yous ugly bastards is Muttley then?"
Said the latest dressing room invader.

"Here! Hello? You blind or what?" Muttley waved a hand in front of his face.

"Actually, ay am blind, so ay arm."

Muttley spots the white stick and guide, and for once is lost for words.

"Nace to meet yous, Muttley may marn. Where's this guitarist?
Ay wanna shake his harnd."

"Which guitarist?"

"Nar yer can't fool me, aim a soundman for the BBC.
You only got one guitarist, so ye harve. Yer can't fool these ears."

"Well check out the braille job vacancies!" Said O'Peesha,
"There's two guitarists in this band."

Muttley, Mard and Axminster suddenly found pressing matters to attend to elsewhere.