Lie v. (li)
to make a false statement with intention to deceive (MED)
Gathered
around a table are Muttley, Chorley, the Beater and Al O'Peesha:-
Muttley
What d'you reckon to Barrel, the new roadie, eh?
O'Peesha
Glorious, and have you noticed that every time you see him...?
Beater
Yeah, he gets fatter. Tut! Boring. We know. What's the big deal?
So he gets fatter? So what?
Muttley
Well, you got to admit, Abdul Wazim Ben-Beater, that he is fucking
fat.
I mean to get a body into that shape is a fucking miracle.
Chorley
Don't be tight.
O'Peesha
You fuckin' whaaat?!
Chorley
He's had a hard life.
O'Peesha
You mean he's had a lard life.
Chorley
Has Barrel not told you?
Beater
He's told me ... tough that. Poor lad.
Muttley
& O'Peesha
Uh?
Chorley
He had this girlfriend, right?
Muttley
& O'Peesha
Fuck off!
Chorley
No, really. They were gonna get married, right...
Beater
Her dad were payin' for it. Big do an' all. Church n that....
Chorley
Night before the weddin', the car skids on the ice, off the road,
into this lake.
He squeezes out, but she's in a coma.
Beater
Still in it now, apparently.
Chorley
'Cept he don't like to talk about it.
Muttley
When was this?
Chorley
Coupla years ago.
O'Peesha
Ah, that'll be when he was on the oil rigs.
Muttley
I thought he'd done two years in prison. Least that's what he told
me.
Beater
He told me borstal.
Chorley
Yeah, two years in borstal, then two years in prison, then
two years on the rigs.
Muttley
So when was he president of the Student's Union at Liverpool University?
Beater
He lived in Thailand for six months n' all, don't forget.
O'Peesha
The fat cunt said he'd just got back from Thailand when he first
met us.
Beater
Got some bird preganant when he was over there, had to leave the
country.
Chorley
Yeah, apparently she had the kid and wanted him to marry her,
but he couldn't, coz of this other bird-
Muttley
The one in the coma?
Beater
No.. the model from Oxford.
O'Peesha
What fucking model from Oxford?
Chorley
The one he was seeing when he was working in Oxford, of course.
Muttley
When was this?
O'Peesha
Greetings your wibbly-wobbilyness.
Muttley
Eh, Barrel, you alright to do that gig in Norwich on the 14th?
Barrel
Can't mate, its me birthday. Me parents are 'avvin a big party forrus.
Its me eighteenth. They've hired a marquee-
Chorley
-Don't tell us what you're wearin' it'll spoil the surprise-
Barrel
-And they've booked Hall & Oates-
Chorley
-Don't tell us what you're eatin', it'll spoil the surprise.
Barrel
Nah, that Delia Smith's doin' the catering.
O'Peesha
Who?
Chorley
That new one, like Fanny Craddock, only...
Muttley
- With a pulse.
O'Peesha
Oi Barrel! Shift your fat arse, I can't see the telly.
Barrel
I haven't got a big bottom!
Muttley,
Beater, Chorley, O'Peesha
You lying fat bastard!
