TART WITH THE HEART ƒ  D A G She came out of the bogs, she stank of damp dogs With an Oxfam shop smell, her clothes were louder than hell Drowning out the jukebox I avoided her stare by diving under a chair But right next to my nose, a pair of stilettos I didn't have a prayer She shouts: "Hey you, what you doing down there? I were jutht tellin' the girlth about our affair- How you took uth 'ome a week latht Thunday, And made a meth before I got your knob out of your undieth" She's the tart with the heart, she's the bitch with the lisp Spreads the word and her legs, she's a gossip columnist Look up in the 'phone book for the Northern part of China There's still one Chin that hasn't been hard-up on her vagina She was lying, of course. I made a bolt for the door, But the loudmouth slut stuck out a foot, and put me back on the floor I crawled behind the plants to avoid her glance, But before very long, the familiar pong - vaginal deoderant She shouts: "Hey you, what you doing down there? I were jutht tellin' your maytth about our affair And if therth any chanth you could get thum medicathion Tho you can avoid your premature ejaculathionth?" ©1993 The Macc Lads N.B.- "Oxfam Shop" (aka "The Spack Shop")          - a charity shop opposite the site of the Bear's Head, Mill St TRACK CHAT HORRID HUNDRED