I spent last
night trying to chuck my bird
She was clinging to my leg like a homesick turd
'Your tits are too small, and your legs are too short,
I want a fit bird from the Sunday Sport,
I can't hear my records when you sit on my face,'
Then she mouths off in front of my mates....
'But you told
me that you loved me!'
'I never fucking did!'
'You used to bring me flowers!'
'Shut your fucking grid!'
'You acted dead sweet, and you called me fluffy pup!'
'You could cook, you could fuck, you could do the washing up, now
I've had enough,
Go on, fuck off, get stuffed.'
I took her
one side, and we started chatting:
'Tell the lads that, I'll kick your fucking twat in! Now piss off
back to your mother's,
I've had enough, say another word, you'll get a boot up the chuff,
You're spotty, you're ugly, you smell like Billingsgate,'
Then she mouths off in front of my mates.....
I stormed off,
I was going crazy,
When I got to the chippy, I had one foot in the grave,
She's got a seven foot dad, (well, just about)
He was going to rip my liver out, I said:
'Here you go, grandad, your turn to hold her,'
There was half a pint of gravy on the chip on my shoulder....
