HELEN OF FOWEY ƒ   B E D G A F#m C#m G#m Got me tanktop with the budgie front, party on at Vinny's Oxford bags, so I looked a cunt, but the party's nearly finished Nowt to drink but Noilly Prat, Babycham or Snowball Nowt to shag but something fat on holiday from Cornwall The face that lunched on a thousand chips Seventeen hairs in the wart on her bottom lip But I knew I had to give it a shag, or she'd go home thinking I'm a screaming handbag. Didn't know which way up she was, I said: 'Fart and give us a clue, love.' She said back at hers she had some beer, 'and a bottle of Clandew, love.' I got dead pissed, she looked quite fit, she looked like someone famous, I fumbled about, but my aim was out, I stuffed it up her anus She picked her arse as she lay bare, digging out the bits of bogroll in her anal hair I knew I had to give it a shag, now she'll go home thinking I'm a screaming handbag Got out of bed to have a piss, and something really shocked us, A yellow growth on my bell end, I legged it down the doctor's This is what you get when you tunnel test, its yellow and deformed; But it wasn't clap, or owt like that, but a fucking piece of sweetcorn ©1993 The Macc Lads N.B.- 'Fowey' - a town in Cornwall, and rhymes with 'Troy'- now that's lucky isn't it?          'Clandew' - cheap, watered-down whisky         'Noilly Prat'- see also: Campari, Dubonnet, Stone's Ginger Ale, etc:- There is a theory that there is only one bottle of each of these vile liquids in existence. They are deposited in the debris of parties in the early hours by naughty elves. TRACK CHAT HORRID HUNDRED